scarletgrace

 mom just called, asked if i was going out and whether i was having dinner at home. then she lamented that my brother is never at home now, because i said i dont want to see POTC in the house. before i could say anything it ended with 'oh well. never mind. i'll go find something to do'.

it's not my fault that your son chose a disrespectful bitch for a girlfriend now, is it?

this morning i bumped into trish, a sweet consultant at work and she was talking about how she was someone who reflected a lot as to whether she made the right decision (work-related) or not, and if she had the sense that she may have made the wrong decision, she'd have sleepless nights reflecting on whether that sense was justified, etc.

then steph asked me how the POTC situation was, and got me reflecting on whether this animosity i have for her is justified or not. (for some reason, now) the whole 'what if they get married' spiel my mom was drilling into me is making me think.

but after talking to steph about the whole saga, i still don't think everything she did was justified, and the (very feeble) explanations my brother offered are just a load of nonsense so.

back to hate. ... and the saga continues



anyway tonight he's staying over at POTC's, at least she's out of my face. my mom didn't even mention her, it was just 'kor is staying out tonight'

i've heard the 'explanations' for some of the stuff POTC did to get me mad, most of them i think are nonsense. like how my brother loves ribena, hence the bottle at home. that it would be too far (orchard, 20 mins by car) away to bring clothes that are sweaty, coz its dirty. etc. i refuse to be nice to someone like that, my mom says all i have to do to is be civil. her idea of civil is my idea of nice so. its not like ive called her trash to her face, or started screaming and kicking her in the stomach so i think ive been pretty civil! 'but if you don't get along with her, imagine how sad korkor will be!' WELL. mom obviously isn't understanding how upset i've been with her then. 

long story short, i refuse to let her spoil my days any more. so i'll just pretend she doesnt exist, best option for now. 

 apparently so. my mom thinks i should be nice to POTC because my brother might marry her. no matter that they haven't been together that long, or that she's been totally hypocritical; an angel in front of my parents and wannabe queen bitch to me.

apparently it doesn't matter how much she has upset me, or that she spoils my days (and nights), or that she's turning me into some revengeful monster. 

she can do whatever she want, even if it's things my mother tells me not to do. she can do anything, say anything, even if it hurts me. because my brother is 30. he needs to get married soon. 

mom drove me to work today, and said in the car, 'if cse xian wants to come tonight, it's okay' and i said 'well, if she comes then i'm not going. i dislike her that much' and proceeded to tell her all the reasons why i dislike her. of course my mom doesn't know most of this because POTC acts like a totally different person in front of her. then she started saying how we have to be nice to her in case my brother really likes her and ends up marrying her and all that bull, come on la they've been together what. 4 months? in which case she should start scouting around for gowns and hotels, and all the baby things for me and daniel since we've been together almost twice that amount if thats how she thinks things are going.

it ended with the whole 'sueann, dont be like that' and i said i dont see why i need to be nice to her or pretend to like her in my own house. my mom saidi don't have to so. it's time to turn the brat on. seeing that i suck with all the bitchy one liners, i'm compiling your words of wisdom here, contribute more please!

adri: did you forget to take the trash out again?
charm: OHHH i see what you mean.

more bitchy ideas friends! if she wants to stick around, she can but it's not gonna be easy.

in view of the government's penchant for acronyms, that thing gets one too - PestOfTheCentury. mom called again, apparently she's talked to my brother, who hasnt said anything about it to me at all. she asked us to plan father's day dinner and i asked if POTC is coming, she said to tell my brother i dont want her there if thats the case. so i asked my brother if its just the 4 of us for dinner, he said its up to me.

ME: 1 - POTC:0

with any luck, i'm never going to see her again. i probably wont be THAT lucky. but at least it'll be minimal i hope.  

mom called yester to ask how things were, i told her they were terrible, i was miserable and i hate my brother's gf. somewhere in explaining what happened, i got so angry i started to cry. for some reason this is affecting me more than it really should. i used to think i'd be overreacting/too mean if i was rude to her, because she's so mousy and unoffensive, i feel like i'm 'taking advantage' of the fact that she won't fight back. alas i am wrong and she's shown that she can be quite a bitch so the war is on.

so after the fight on monday, the irritant decided to stay over last night, and acted like a jackass in the morning; no giggling this time but just being useless and disrespectful. what's new huh. so this morning i opened the gate and got into the car, so she could make herself useful and at least close the gate right. then she just got into the car, and asked my brother if she was supposed to close the gate. my brother said someone has to do it and asked her if she could. she said NO. WTF?! it wasn't a 'oh you know the gate is quite problematic sometimes im not sure i can do it' it was more of a 'what?! you expect me to... close a gate?!?' kind of tone.

i would call her a bitch, but for some strange reason the term bitch has a slight positive connotation, which i would definitely not associate with her. then in the car, there was something on class95 that glen said that made me chuckle, to which she turned to my brother and said 'do you even find that funny?!' in a tone that was totally uncalled for. granted i asked her the exact same question on monday night, but the circumstance was different - we were in an obvious fight, and she was giggling. heck i don't even have to explain why i was laughing. or anything for that matter, i'm in my own home, in my mother's car. and what is she?

i just can't believe i had such a terrible start to my day, thanks to someone who is invading my personal space. i don't care if she's a few years older than me, she jolly well have some semblence of respect if she wants to stay over. yes, my brother lives there too, and if she just stayed out of my way and treated me with the most basic level of courtesy, i wouldn't be this upset. otherwise, they should just get married and move out. or play house somewhere else.

over the past few days i've become this angsty emotional person that i cannot stand, and i hate that she made me feel like this; in a place where i'm supposed to seek refuge and feel most at peace and happy in.

 i used to think my brother's gf being pretty similar to me was a good thing, easier to get along right. the way we talk is the same, we like some of the same things (moscato for one, and thankfully i dont share her taste in clothes, which i find erh. yeah) but that's where the similarities end. she sleeps early whenever she can, wakes up at 6 every morning.. whatever. she can do whatever she wants with her life, as long as it doesn't affect me. the one thing tho, is she giggles. AT EVERYTHING. i'm not kidding. and i'm not a morning person so when she stays over, and giggles at everything (and nothing) at the morning it's annoying.

i've concluded that she's okay in small doses. but when you're running late to work in your first week, and your brother's gf is giggling at you being pissed off with the world (because you are late, and because anyone/anything that high pitched should never be heard in the morning), that's not cool at all. i don't see why it's so funny, and it doesn't help when she says in her most chirpy voice that it's not her fault that you're late because, she's ready to leave. it doesn't change the fact that we're still sitting in the dining area, and as your boiling she's giggling.

how can anyone find so many things funny?! and it's not like she's a teenager mind you. 28 already, you'd think she'll be a bit more serious. and have a bit more EQ.

so what sparked this entire entry is this. i had a tiring day at work, met huan and siv for a nice dinner and baby after, and towards the end of the night i start getting sharp pains in my tummy.. at the train station i start feeling like i need to go so i'm super urgent right.. and my brother already said he'll pick me from the train station. so when i call him, i say i'm really urgent and i need to go.. and he, of all people, knows that i hate using public toilets. then he comes, and in the car he jokingly says he wants to get petrol on the way back, and i'm feeling like shit (literally) and all i wanna do is go home and erh. relieve myself. so i just say i feel terrible and i really need the loo. somehow the conversation shifts to laundry and whatever... then it escalates to a fight. with him saying that i'm showing attitude and he has laundry to do too so he doesnt see the problem. i just repeat that he knew very well that im not feeling so good, so obviously when he suggested all that petrol nonsense i got pissed off la. 

and then. she starts giggling. no matter how i look at it, i don't see how 2 people fighting in a car can be THAT amusing to you. i said that i didnt think anything was very funny. my brother said he wasn't laughing. and i said i wasn't talking to him. that shut her up.... for 5 seconds. then she just starting giggling uncontrollably. and pissed me off even more la. we weren't in those friendly bicker-ing types of fights, and when you're already annoyed and feeling like crap, giggling only serves to make you feel worse, coz it just seems like whoever it is is trivializing how terrible you feel. 

seriously. she needs to stay out of my way. i don't care if he spends more time with her and treats the house like a hotel. i don't care if she comes, maybe once a week or something. but when she's over almost every day, she's intruding in my personal space. yes, my brother lives here too, but you don't see daniel coming to my house every single day and getting in his face. at the end of the day, they haven't even been together for half a year, i don't see why i have to put up with all her nonsense. and did i mention she made my brother buy ribena for our house, because she complains there's nothing sweet to drink when she comes. if i had my way, i'll just tell her to suck it up. 

and i think it's damn appropriate to leave your dirty laundry at your boyfriend's place to be washed. no matter what. my brother doesn't do his own laundry all the time either. i washed her sweaty bra, top and skirt. granted, i chucked it in the washing machine. but some things you know you shouldnt have your bf's sister/mother/father folding. and even when the entire family is home, she comes out of the shower and walks to my brother's room in a towel. that's how gross.

whilst i'm on the topic, my brother's been complaining about the price of petrol. i think its bloody ridiculous, because he makes such a fuss about topping up the tank and he signs for it on the supplementary card so mom pays. besides, if the price of petrol was that much of an issue, he should just stop driving his girlfriend back and forth from our place; she stays in orchard.

my brother moved back about 2 years ago, and i can't think of any time we've ever fought like this, or fought even. naturally, i blame her. BAH.

 When we heard of your impendingly inevitable departures, we were so deeply struck by an overwhelmingly cacophonous influx of emotions that we were compelled to compose  a completely original piece of poetry from the labyrinthe recesses of our hearts.

Written by Chong the Grate and Ah Ling. Enjoy.

All’s said and Donne
LET us pour forth
our tears before thy faces, whilst we stay here,

In NUS, NTU, SMU and NS.

When a tear falls, that thou fall'st which it bore ;
So thou and we are nothing then, when on a divers shore.

First we fought well and faithfully,
Yet knew not what we loved, nor bitched ;
Difference of sex we never knew, especially Lenny,
No more than TSD teachers do ;

FOR God's sake hold your tongue

Here we have all kings, queens and all our lowly juniors,
All glory of honours, beauties, wits,

In what we were – the genius seniors.

I WONDER by my troth, what thou and I
Did, till we public PEED ? were we not potty trained till then ?

But banked on shitty pieces like Yas’ prelim group?

Or Played Ourselves, the psycho freaks? Princess Francesca who couldn’t walk?

Or was it the mahnjun?

The ah pu neh neh

Sitting here in the café, drinking my latte?

But since that we
At the last must part, 'tis best,
Thus to use ourselves in clownish jest
By feigned drama deaths to die.

If we be two, we are two so                                         
As stiff twin compasses are two ; 

Whether you’re in Bremen, UK, or US

The poor souls, we the fix'd foot here, makes no show 
To move, but doth, if Singtel lowers its IDD rates.

And though we in the centre sit,

In the centre of the blitering Equator somewhere near the axis.
Yet, when the other far doth roam,                               
It leans, and hearkens after it, 
And grows erect, as that comes home. 

SO, so, break off this last lamenting kiss,
Which sucks 23 souls, and money all away ;

We know that you, our

SWEETEST love,  do not go,
For weariness of we cuties,
Nor in hope the world can show
A fitter love than  we cuties ;

So, so BLASTED with sighs, and surrounded with tears,
Hither you come to seek the spring,

And winter and autumn

While we burn in our perpetual summer.

To ash we turn.

(Turns dramatically in opposing directions;)

Turn, thou ghost, that way, and let me turn this,
And let ourselves benight our happiest day.
We ask none leave to love ; nor will we owe
Any so cheap a death as saying, "Go."

Thank you, and now its time for your starters to COME! –snaps fingers.

What’s so good about tsd?

VJ also got drama club what. Somemore we got Gold in SYF you know. You got not? You got not? Nus also got mah.

Why they always like to act seh. Everyday make so much noise. Talk so loud sing opiang boyband song in their room, have sex in the cupboard ah, studio ah, sofa ah, on the beach on. A sorry, is marry on the beach. Then I heard the sound box got ghost and they can make brooms fly. Iya, nothing one la, they are mad, mad MAD!!! Siao ginna.

Not say their acting very good. Most of them just act themselves. You heard of Ah ling? She’s just like that everyday. And that Ah gong also, actually he very gong one. Making unintelligent speech and murmuring to himself. Ask a mina to act as mina, obviously no challenge no wonder always get A triple plus. Ask that Martha to act siao, everyday act siao anyway until one day sure mata lia. Yoohoo!!! Like what the shit can. Where pretty dress, sit in sand, get SUPER A who cannot sia.

TSD la tsd la. Siao.

"Children nowadays, so kurang ajar, so rude”.

(slap)

(shakes head and drool) I couldn’t think at all I couldn’t get my thoughts together …

"No comment."

Hai, then they very Diva also, everyday what “the tea is too cold” and “the soup is too salty”. When juniors got new tsd room, they complain. When their equipment lousy they also complain.

But actually they know each other very well. Too well sometimes. We were wondering how come she always knows what he wants for breakfast! Then in the end? Moses and mel get together. Haiyo.

But they are like a big tsd family lor, so in the end they forgave their fortunate foray into forbidden familial fornication.

Huh wad u mean???

Iya moses become her boyflen la!!!

Oh wonderful wonderful most wonderful wonderful!

Oh please darling.

ORH

-Main course time.-

Remember your first plath lesson? Do you feel a sense of pain and sheer terror? Now we she ppl are super fascinated with plath, buying her books. Example Leonard and yasmin. Erms anyway!

Me and Nicole have come to a terrifying conclusion after seconds of painful academic pursuit. She is always talking about us!!!

It is like a Roman mob,
Small, taken one by one, but my god, together!

It is the noise that appalls me most of all,
The unintelligible syllables.

Act Ah gong and Ah Ling.

Hauls me through air.

O my
Homunculus, I am ill.
I have taken a pill to kill

Pure? What does it mean?

Haha, we are all corrupt.

The Peanut-crunching crowd

They are all cruel they don’t understand the pain of performing. So we are cruel and don’t allow peanuts. They think we are monkeys ah…some shit some shit. haha

Out of the ash
I rise with my red hair
And I eat men like air.
I do it exceptionally well.

Nic’s new red hair.

I am mad, calls the spider, waving its many arms.

Duh. Start doing the siao thing as b4 again.

Also sometimes we just don’t make sense. Like this.

I'm no more your mother
Than the cloud that distils a mirror to reflect its own slow
Effacement at the wind's hand.

Like what the shit??? Russell peter’s

But we all know that.

From the bottom of the pool, fixed stars
Govern a life.

And we wish them all the best in whatever they do. –pls clap.

 

Lastly but not least,

I wonder how hungry they are.

Now is time for dessert.

Then we have a trio of lynn Leonard and yasmin.

A special slide show done up specially.

to catch sacred monsters... a dance performance by sylvie guillem and akram khan

http://www.sistic.com.sg/cms/events/index.html?content=835

she is THE prima ballerina la.. saw her in swan lake when the royal ballet last came and it was breathtaking, DEFINITELY worth watching.

the student tickets cost $96 and $80 for decent seats. except i lack the cash. and i have no company.

takers??

ok second attempt tml folks. those who can drive please make your way down to ubi to block all stupid cars who try to bully me. im on at 1015, fingers crossed im a bit more confident this time!

wish me luck!

He was a boy, just a boy, when I was a very young girl. When I was sixteen, I made the discovery -- love. All at once and much, much too completely. It was like you suddenly turned a blinding light on something that had always been half in shadow, that's how it struck the world for me. But I was unlucky. Deluded. There was something different about the boy, a nervousness, a softness and tenderness which wasn't like a man's, although he wasn't the least bit effeminate looking -- still -- that thing was there ... He came to me for help. I didn't know that. I didn't find out anything till after our marriage when we'd run away and come back and all I knew was I'd failed him in some mysterious way and wasn't able to give the help he needed but couldn't speak of! He was in the quicksands and clutching at me -- but I wasn't holding him out, I was slipping in with him! I didn't know that. I didn't know anything except I loved him unendurably but without being able to help him or help myself. Then I found out. In the worst of all possible ways. By coming suddenly into a room that I thought was empty -- which wasn't empty, but had two people in it ... the boy I had married and an older man who had been his friend for years ...

[A locomotive is heard approaching outside. She claps her hands to her ears and crouches over. The headlight of the locomotive glares into the room as it thunders past. As the noise recedes she straightens slowly and continues speaking.]

Afterward we pretended that nothing had been discovered. Yes, the three of us drove out to Moon Lake Casino, very drunk and laughing all the way.

[Polka music sounds, in a minor key faint with distance]

We danced the Varsouviana! Suddenly, in the middle of the dance the boy I had married broke away from me and ran out of the casino. A few moments later -- a shot!

[The polka stops abruptly. Blanche rises stiffly. Then, the polka resumes in a major key]

I ran out -- all did! -- all ran and gathered about the terrible thing at the edge of the lake! I couldn't get near for the crowding. Then somebody caught my arm. "Don't go any closer! Come back! You don't want to see!" See? See what! Then I heard voices say -- Allan! Allan! The Grey boy! He'd stuck the revolver into his mouth, and fired -- so that the back of his head had been -- blown away!

[She sways and covers her face]

It was because -- on the dance floor -- unable to stop myself -- I'd suddenly said -- "I saw! I know! You disgust me ..." And then the searchlight which had been turned on the world was turned off again and never for one moment since has there been any light that's stronger than this -- kitchen -- candle ...

[Mitch gets up awkwardly and moves toward her a little. The polka music increases. Mitch stands beside her]

msgs from sam chloe eug chris fatma crys huan rach coelho ming charlene nah:) cui.. old friends lke kelvin chin jer dearest cynthia steve zhirui, and even older friends like lennara.. and adam.. gosh. surprise from alas which was amazing.. calls from booboo and ernest who's in indonesia or something and called the minute his ship docked at god knows where.. and donuts from the donut factory from tabby. and rides to and fro.. and presents and cards.. and angpao money.. :)

its funny how you kinda sorta know how much your friends love you but you only feel/realise it at times like this.

here's to more laughs more love more truths and dares and more 'US' :)

very happy today. you know the kind of happiness where you just sit and smile, just because. there's just this.. overwhelming sense of comfort in hearing lofty talk and just being near/around him. it's almost as if all the anxiety and stress from exams and presentations and doing papers just disappears, and we're back in tsd again. ok so we (or at least me) will never stop longing for garden table times. it was wonderful to hear everyone in the room cheer when lofty walked in, to see him fooling around with us and photowhoring, doing imitations and talking about our 'horrid' past.. he's lost so much weight it breaks my heart but bertie says its because he's fitter so thats some consolation. i just miss all of this so so much. slots prelims group boasters writing songs for group IS As crewing finding the perfect piece bitching screaming crying then making up eating going to parkway just sitting and zao-ing GP/chinese/whatever.. everything. sure it's not the same anymore, it never will be. but i think what we have is special in the sense that we're all growing and changing as individuals, but at the end of the day there'll always be that bond there, and that's what matters the most.

oh and i got a lunch invitation that made me happy too. and i got the wallet i've been eyeing.

yayness :)

i feel like im reliving my secondary sch life again.

had coffee with jo, who loved h.o.t almost as much as i did back in sec2. this time with booboo. joel called me when i woke up to ask to meet for coffee too since he was supposed to meet me last night but didnt so. well so i spent my entire day at starbucks, just sitting and in joel's words "reminiscing".. and listening to crazy kc girl stories. then reminiscing some more.

good times man. and totally the auntie peggy life. :)

01) What is the phone brand?
samsung

02) What are the last 3 digits of your mobile number?
574

03) What does the 2nd message in your inbox say?
"Hahah why you got so little faith! Can la! And guess what! No more work for you soon! Heh! Tom what time meet? 3?" << wow that was a lot of !!s

04) Who's the first person who comes up under the letter M?
ms chew the beloved ballet teacher

05) Who's the last person you rang?
shei.. she missed too many points. lol

06) Who was your last missed call from?
cathy from the wedding entourage

07) Who's the 2nd person who comes up under D?
daph

08) What does the last message in your inbox say?
"thanks! finally got a 2 in my age"

09) Who comes up under J?
jac cheng, jai, jas li, jayne goh, joochiat, jer, jeremy blueberry, jeremy nah, jeremy nonis, jinpeng, jo chua, joanne, joel poh, joel tan, john, jon ong, jona, jonny, joyce, junmei, junsong, justin

10) Go to your Sent Items - what does the 10th message say?
i dont save my sent msgs!

11) Who's the 4th person who comes up under S?
saratha my physiotherapist

12) Who's your network provider?
M1

13) How many messages are currently in your inbox?
102

14) What do you have as your background?
siv and i, red focus

15) Who's the 2nd person who comes up under R?
rachel nip

16) Who do you have on speed dial 3?
dont use speed dial

17) If you're on Pay as you Go, how much credit do you have?
n/a

18) Who's the first person who comes up under C?
cal darling groupie

19) How many bars of signal do you currently have?
full

20) What do you have as your main ringtone?
songs in my pocket - bethany joy lenz

To every girl that dresses cute not skanky.
To every girl who wants to be called beautiful not hot.
To every girl that will spend her whole day looking for the perfect present for you.
To every girl who gets her heart broken because he chose that bitch instead.
To every girl who would just like once to be treated like a princess.
To every girl that cries at night because of another heartbreak.
To every girl that won't get down on her knees and open her mouth just to get a boyfriend.
To every girl that just wants to hold hands.
To every girl that kisses him with meaning.
To every girl who just wishes he cared more.
To every girl who just wants him to call.
To every girl who lies awake at night thinking about him.
To every girl that just wants to cuddle.
To every girl that just wants to sleep with him without having sex.
To every girl that is scared to put her heart out there again because she has been hurt too many times or so badly.
To every girl who shows how much she cares and gets nothing back.
To every girl that thought maybe this one could be the one.
To every girl that believes in her dreams.
To every girl that would do anything so she could achieve those dreams.
To every girl that laughs at stupid stuff when she actually doesn't think it is funny.
To every girl who is just looking for that one and only and is having a rough time along the way.
To every girl that has been cheated on because she is not a slut who gives it up to any guy.
To every girl that doesnt want a guy who just plays with her emotions but actually cares about how she feels.
To every girl who wants words backed up with actions.
To every girl that fell for all the lies only to find themselves alone in the end.
To every girl that gave her heart away only to have it shoved back in her face.

I am just like you.

sometimes i feel like im biting off far more than i can chew. and that feeling comes even more often now. but alas im stronger than this and i will pull thru. i always run to boo and jer in times like this. they always seem to be able to calm me down. and what better time for jer and boo to both be in hk, away from me at this moment. then again they say the cloud always has a silver lining, and i suppose the bling on this hugeass storm cloud is me realising that i can always turn to shei and zhuang-my-brother.